Dear Mr. Harkavy

Dear Mr. Harkavy,

Fuck you. 

Cordially,
OBB

Mike Pence is a Giant Douche

Dear Rep. Pence,
I can't say this with complete certainty, but I'm pretty sure you've consistently had health insurance for most of your life. I'm also pretty sure you've never had any of the lady parts your Florida brethren find so offensive. So perhaps it would behoove you to listen to thousands of women with said lady parts, women who, at some point in life, were probably uninsured and in need of affordable health services. Because reproductive health needs don't just stop when you find yourself without insurance.

I was one of those women. I used Planned Parenthood because I literally couldn't afford to see a private gynecologist. And you know what? PP spent 100% of it's time and resources helping me not get pregnant! That's right--they did everything they could to ensure that I wouldn't even need to make a decision about terminating or keeping a pregnancy. Which is a very different experience than the abortion industry making thousands of dollars killing babies that you seem so keen on describing on TV.

So when you run around, squawking like an asshat about what PP does and doesn't do, remember that there are women who have actually used their services. And perhaps shut up for a minute and listen to them about the devastation of losing the only local free/subsidized clinic in their area.

Of course, I know you're not really interested in any of these stories or experiences. Okay, I'll just tell women to stop having sex without being in a committed, upper middle-class marriage. That should take care of the problem post haste.

Abby

Paradoxical Uteri

File this one under LOLZ: Florida state legislatures--specifically, the GOP leadership doodz--are a bit squeamish when it comes to biologically correct names for internal organs. Well, just the lady part ones, the knowledge of which might corrupt young, impressionable teen ears.

Scott Randolph (D-Orlando) made what, in my humble opinion, is a damn good point (and LOLSOB funny remark) about the glaring double standard of Republican lawmakers when it comes to government regulation:

"At one point Randolph suggested that his wife 'incorporate her uterus' to stop Republicans from pushing measures that would restrict abortions. Republicans, after all, wouldn't want to further regulate a Florida business."

GOP leadership then "voiced concern about young pages hearing the word uterus," even though I'm fairly certain that those pages actually equipped with said organ are hardly scandalized by hearing it's scientifically correct name (as Randolph pointed out, "it's not like I used slang"), and the unequipped--read: teenaged boys--generally don't sit around fantasizing about all those sexy uteri.* In fact, if any one fetishizes the uterus, it's GOP lawmakers who insist on weeping crocodile tears over what I choose to do with my lady parts. If you listen to them, my uterus is at once sullied and sacred. Sweet! I never thought I'd have a paradox for an internal organ!

But through the funny, let's not forget that he has a pretty good point. Many of the same Republicans who champion free market deregulation at all costs (in true Greenspan form**) will turn around and, in the same breath, strip a woman of her sexual and reproductive agency and call for invasive and unnecessary laws that stand in the way of decisions best kept between doctors and patients (and priests and family members, if the patient so chooses).

Randolph admits that his wife is the one who originally came up with the one liner about incorporating her uterus. While explaining the joke to the press, he made what is perhaps the best point about this whole debate: 

"And I always say their [GOP] philosophy is small government for the big guy and big government for the little guy."

Yep.

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*I could be wrong about this, so if anyone out there is or once was a teen boy, please let me know if I'm way off base.

**Best Greenspan Meme EVER!